Some days are better than others.

I was having a mopey sort of day yesterday (post entitled “Gloomy Tuesday” discarded before I dragged any more victims down with me) – just the usual sort of “Arrrgh! these kids!” angst, plus a whole lot of new angst accumulated over the preceeding few days.

My middle boy – the nuttiest of the three – had an asthma attack on Sunday, so we spent Sunday and most of Monday in the hospital. He really wasn’t that sick, but it’s always a sad thing, I think, pale wee children in those big beds, and now we have this asthma *thing*, and the lamb must take preventative meds. I hope this will mean no more asthma attacks!

The ex was a dick about the whole thing, first pissy that I didn’t ring and tell him (who was seven hours away) the moment it happened, and then all full of insinuations about what’s causing the child’s asthma attacks. Last time he sent me a series of nasty text messages telling me I had to a) get rid of the cats, b) clean my house better and c) keep the kids away from my mother (who smokes), all based on the hospital telling him what *possible* triggers are. Now we’re reasonably sure it’s the cold virus, but he’s not so sure…how can he criticise me, if that’s the case. No fun at all. Meanwhile, he’s busily filling up my credit card – why did I think it would be successful, letting him have a tag card? Because I am insane, is why.

~

On the other hand, I went and looked at the house, and I’ve made an offer on it. I’m hoping to hear today, if the vendor likes the cut of my jib, and I’m a little squeaky ball of anxiety – this house is perfect. I’ll give the house its own post.

Silent Poetry Reading

from – Reya.

Like a Wide Anvil From the Moon the Light

Thomas Lux

Like a wide anvil from the moon the light
on the cold radiator and all the windows in a row
along the spine close–zeroes winding tight.
And to make the rattlesnakes feel at home?
A private cactus farm. There’s not an eek’s chance
of getting out of here. Some apples, bruised,
mute, are nailed back to their branches,
and the south wind–low, hot ash–cruises
through a crook in the apple tree’s trunk.
The dirt, not known for its tenderness, on its knees
somewhat, and one munificent ant carries a crumb
to the crumbless. Every pond on earth agrees:
they are tired of being dragged–all those hooks–
for drowned children. All this beneath
the ceaseless lineage of comets! Books
help a little: groan-soaked, one broken etc. thief,
tree surgeons lost above tree lines,
chasmed sidewalks, a hatful of blanks,
sore-got ore….Yes!–it does feel exactly fine
crawling ashore, emptying the boots of water, and frankly
here’s to clouds the color of bone,
here’s to the indecipherable path home,
here’s to the worm’s sweat in the loam….

This morning.

Walking the kids to school this morning was nice, after a morning of near hysteria and craziness from both me, and the sprats. Luke threw up in his school shoe (not like a river of vomit, he’s getting some kind of weird refluxy thing, I think, so it’s more like some spit than your classic pool of corn studded horror), we couldn’t find hats, I was running a wee bit late, Tom was being an idiot….but as we walked up the street in the relative cool of a drizzly morning, all of them looking so nice and neat, holding my hands, or skipping along I remember again how much I love walking them to school. It’s a nice interlude in our day (not so nice when the temperature hovers around 40 degrees as it has done the last few days, but never mind that), we get to hold hands and babble about stuff, and I always think walking is a very soothing and calming thing to do.

Luke and I play a game where he squeezes my hand, and I quack. I squeezed his and asked, “If I squeeze your hand, do you quack?” “No,” he said, “I have a squeak.” so we squeaked and quacked happily until we crossed the road.

Finally dragged myself back into the house, rang the ATO and sorted out a paperwork blip! which should have been addressed when I cancelled my GST last year, but wasn’t, so I may have a fine, which I will contest. Go me! Standing up to the man. And then I rang the eyebrow mistress so I look Groomed and Organised for when we go to look at the house I want to buy. We’re doing that tomorrow, and I’m extremely excited – the house is in a tiny country town, near a city, is on an acre filled with fruit trees and is a two storey timber dwelling, and is affordable. I think about it all the time.

100 Things About Me. (a work in progress)

1. I am untidy, but I generally know pretty well where everything is unless someone messes with my mapping function, and moves things.

2. I like chocolate either very dark and not creamy, or in a cup. I think chocolate is a good remedy for nausea – chocolate paddlepops saved me through three pregnancies.

3. I don’t feel particularly maternal most of the time. When I was in my early twenties, I used to have dreams that I was an intergalactic spy. Sometimes, I still feel like that wild, brave spy chick.

4. I stutter a little when I am very nervous.

5. I don’t like movies that emotionally manipulate the viewer.

6. I broke my collar bone when I was six, in a game of tip. See the violence inherent in the playground!

7. I drink a lot of tea.

8. I love bright coloured clothing, and silly jewellery, but almost never wear it.

9. When I go to department or computer stores with games on the display machine, I like to get the high score and enter “mum” as the name.

10. I have brown eyes, and brown hair.

11. I am a good cook. Most of the time. I once made some cabbage soup that was inedible.

12. I love music sung in languages I don’t understand, and am always disappointed when I find out what the song is *really* about.

13. I love trees. I used to think I’d like to marry a tree, like those lunatics that marry fences, or guillotines.

14. I love to give presents.

15. I once interviewed to be personal assistant to a psychic.

16. I love to sleep, but I hate to go to bed.

17. Lately, almost everything I eat tastes like it might be not quite fresh.

18. I thought The Lord of the Rings made better movies than books.

19. I want to learn how to sign. I think people who sign have distinct ‘voices’ like people who speak do, and I want to see if I’m right.

20. I really like that Boney M song, Rasputin.

21. I like to fill in forms.

22. I dream about living in the country, in insane detail. I half believe that if I think about it hard enough, it’ll come true.

23. I like winter best.

24. My favourite colour is red, but sometimes it’s blue.

25. I believe in the universe.

26. I paint my toenails, but never my fingernails. My favourite nailpolish is a light shimmery blue, called Ocean. It’s discontinued.

27. I like pizza with everything on it, including olives and anchovies. Especially olives and anchovies!

28. I am secrely in love with Albrecht Durer.

29. I collect hippy books published in the early seventies.